To The Christian Girl Having Sex -Part 1

I was you

Yes, I said it....that three letter word that you dread hearing the preacher say on Sunday in Church or on Wednesday night in youth group.  You hear them say that God says to not have sex outside of marriage or "thou shalt not commit adultery" and you try your best not to squirm in your seat or blush...because you know.  You know what you are doing is wrong but you continue to do it anyway. I know because I WAS YOU.  

As a young girl I was very involved in Church.  I attended ALL the events.  I went on mission trips, I sang for worship, I worked in the children's ministry.  The entire time I had a deep dark secret that some knew but many did not.  I was having sex.  I knew it was wrong, I even knew what the Bible said about sex but I continued.  I know that I was not the only girl in this situation and I know that in this day and age there are probably more Christian girls having sex than not.  

For me, it got to a point that I did not see a way out.  I gave myself excuses and tried to make myself feel better about my decision by justifying it.  I would say things like, "it's my body so I should be able to make my own decisions", "I intend to marry this boy someday so it is ok", or "If  someone else can take advantage of my body, I should be able to do what I want".  The sad thing is, by continuing in this lifestyle, I was missing out on so much!  I was filled with guilt and shame which kept me from admitting and seeking help in my situation.  I know if you are that Christian girl having sex, you have probably wanted to stop but you don't really understand why it's important or you are too afraid to talk to someone about it and without accountability it's really hard to just "stop" that kind of lifestyle.  If you are in a relationship, you may even be fearful that if you tell your boyfriend you want to stop that he will leave.  He might...but girl, let him!  

God's love is greater

The last reason was the biggest one for me.  I wanted to be loved and accepted and was willing to do whatever I needed to keep that.  It's sad to think back on my young Christian self because I understand now.  I know that God was there, waiting for me to seek him and allow Him to be my first love.  His love is the purest, most fulfilling love.  So, today, I want to spend some time telling you about the love of God.  When we see God's love and truly understand it for what it is, we can't help but change, grow, and live a life in the light that we receive from Him.  I have known about His love for as long as I can remember but as I have gotten older and really searched my heart, I realized that I didn't truly BELIEVE it.  My mouth said, "Jesus loves me this I know", but my heart and actions did not.

1 John 4:9-10

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

If you are a Christian girl, meaning you have accepted Jesus as your personal savior, then your sin, past, present, and future, is atoned for!  You are already forgiven but for you to live in the light of God's love, you need to turn from this sinfulness.  You will allow God to work in your life in ways you could never imagine.  Ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and live your life, renewed, and living in the overflowing love of Christ.  

3 Steps for healing 

I was going to save these tips for later but as I am writing I am realizing that some of you may want to take these steps ASAP.  Here are some steps you can take to begin your journey of healing and living in the light as God has called you to.

Step 1:  Confide in a friend.  Not the friend that will roll their eyes or say, "It's not that big of a deal".  Confide in a friend that you can trust and has your best interest at heart.  It could even be a leader in your youth group.  I know that if I had been brave enough, there were many woman that would have helped me out of my pit.  

Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you".  

He is here, waiting for you to take His hand so that he can pull you out of this pit.  

Please don't skip this step.  It is the most important and also probably the hardest.  God calls us to bring the darkness to light.  In Ephesians 5:11 it says, "Don't participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them".  When we expose the darkness to light, it has no choice but to become light.  When we confess our sins to someone we can trust, it takes away the power that the darkness has on us and allows us to move forward "in the light".  

Step 2: Talk to your boyfriend about your decision (okay, maybe this will be the hardest step).  I know it's scary.  You may have even had this conversation before and it may not have gone well.  Maybe he got angry or threatened to break up with you.  No matter how he reacts, I want you to remember, YOU ARE LOVED.  If the boy truly loves you and cares about what is the best for you and your relationship, he will stick around.  

If he does not, I know how much that will hurt.  It may feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest but remember..."Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" -Romans 12:12  God is "a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." -Psalm 86:15.  You can have hope in the midst of your hurt, seek God in prayer and he will give you strength!  Let the love of God be enough and walk away, knowing that YOU ARE DEEPLY LOVED AND CARED FOR.

If he says, "ok, great!", that's great!  Commit to going on group dates with a couple that is following Christ and that has also made the decision to abstain from sex until marriage.  Don't be alone in room with the door closed....you don't want to welcome temptation.  Once you have had sex with each other it is very hard to not fall back into it.  Pray for each other.  Seek Christ daily to help you maintain your commitment.

Step 3: Walk in peace and without shame, knowing that you are fully forgiven! 

Maybe you are committed to following these steps today!  Maybe you are not.  If not, that is ok.  I will continue to pray for you.  That you will see the love of God as sufficient.  Stay tuned, in my next post I will talk about God's character and how much He loves you.  Once we see God's love for us, we can begin to see it as sufficient.  Knowing that His love is truly the only love we need.   We also begin to believe what he says and know that His "rules" are truly there for us and our protection.  

If you need someone to discuss this with... I am here for you!  I have been through it all and can help guide you through.  You are loved and I am praying for you!